I attended the wedding of a friend exactly a year ago today. Now, to many who may read this, a wedding may seem everyday-ish--you attend a few every year, and they become common, but this wedding was far from ordinary. Don't get me wrong--it had all the usual pieces...the nervous bride, the scripture readings, the smiling groom, the special music, the unity candle, the pastoral prayers, the "oh, I was supposed to hold which one of her hands?" moments...but something was different. I have never seen a man so in love with a woman. I have never seen a man so moved by the woman he was marrying, so consumed with the words he spoke, so captured by the pastor's prayer, or brought to tears by "I Will Be Here." His handkerchief, tucked carefully into his pocket before the ceremony, never stayed in that pocket longer than 3 minutes throughout the journey through the order of service.

There is a part of each of us that snickers a little bit at the thought of Jay and how happy he is today. He is 35, and he so wanted to find the right girl and get married. When he met and began to date Cheri, we all saw the writing on the wall...it was as if God had dropped her right into his lap. Though I don't know Cheri well, my impression of her is that she's a sweet, down-to-earth, fun-loving girl who will balance this slightly retentive, somewhat uptight, incredibly perfectionistic man nicely. But all you have to do is watch his face when he is with her to know that he is smitten...over the moon...star-struck by Cheri. Their wedding day proved that, and even now, the fact remains. Though Cheri was moved on their day, Jay was beyond emotional.

Our Pastor's wife read a scripture passage from Ephesians during the ceremony, and I had never heard it from the Message. If you haven't read the Message before, this passage may motivate you to get a copy (or check out bible.com and plunk "The Message" in the translation box when you look up a reference).

Ephesians 5:22-28
^{22 -24}Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing. So just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their husbands.

^{25 -28}Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ's love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They're really doing themselves a favor—since they're already "one" in marriage.

Jay goes all out in his love for Cheri. We laugh at him about it because this is so unusual in our culture. He dotes on her, cherishes her, always has a protective arm around her. Do we really go all out in our love for anyone (other than our children) beyond those sweet days of courtship? I say this with some amount of cynicism, because this is where I am, and I have no doubt that someone is up in arms reading this, saying, "Hey! I still go all out and I've been married 20 years!" Interestingly, I never realized how little of this passage is actually devoted to instructing the wife--she is to understand, support, and submit to her husband. Wow. Still a big job, but read on. The husband is to lead his wife, cherish her, go all out in his love for her, speak words which evoke her beauty, bring out the best in her, and dress her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness, and on top of all that, to love her...and by doing so, he is doing himself a favor. I am sure that Jay and Cheri have "their moments;" those disagreements that creep in because, though crazy about each other, they do maintain their humanness. No doubt they get angry, they misunderstand, they forget to listen (or take out the trash). But their devotion to each other and the outward signs of commitment they display...these are qualities I am reminded through their relationship that I need to strive for in my own.

Yesterday, my cousin Mike and his bride, Sarah, walked down the aisle, hand in hand, after the pastor pronounced them husband and wife. They will spend the first year and 3 months of their marriage living from Ontario to Oklahoma apart. My prayer for them is that they are able to find that commitment and devotion somewhere in the mundane, everyday existence that marriage can become, even long distance...that they will discover that deeper love that God requires of us in our marriages. That they will maintain the passion they share for each other now, and delve into intimacy that goes beyond mere physical love. That they will "go all out" for each other every single day.

My prayer for me is that I can live out the same thing, ten years into a marriage, and 5 feet from the husband I chose.

Contagious Joy

"Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way. If you don't know what you're doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. You'll get his help, and won't be condescended to when you ask for it. Ask boldly, believingly, without a second thought. People who "worry their prayers" are like wind-whipped waves. Don't think you're going to get anything from the Master that way, adrift at sea, keeping all your options open."
James 1:2-8 The Message

I attended a Women of Faith Conference in Rochester this weekend on a whim. A God-inspired whim, I should say. At 9:30 on Friday morning, as I attempted to get the morning going in my house and agonized over processes like starting a load of laundry while attempting to get my children fed, dressed and piano-ed, and meals organized for two families with new babies, my phone rang. My dear friend Stacy on the other end said something to the effect of, "What are you doing today?" followed closely by something like, "You're coming to the Women of Faith conference!!" Someone who bought a ticket and paid for a hotel room couldn't go. Within 45 minutes (an hour, tops), I had myself packed, plans finalized, my children at church with my parents, and Stacy and Amy and I drove out of town. The topic of the Conference? Contagious Joy.

A long time ago, I had that.

I remember how it felt. I know that people around me thought of it as silly, maybe even ridiculous naivete. And honestly, there was a purity in that. Through high school, I had a ready smile, a hearty laugh, and a willing hug, and that, along with my waist-length, blond hair, was my trademark characteristic. It was who I was. I rested in the comfortability of that person. Somewhere in the middle of a messy relationship my freshman year of college, amidst the heartache of a boyfriend harboring a secret, and the see-saw of emotions with every weekly, long-distance conversation, twenty-two inches of blond hair was snipped away, along with a piece of that blissful innocence.

It goes away in small chunks, I think. It's not necessarily one crushing blow. You give away something you didn't intend to give--a tiny piece of your heart, a little piece of your personality, a miniscule piece of your joy. You don't see it going right away...it's not till years later as you reflect. And maybe regret. All of a sudden, you're sitting in a conference, surrounded by 14,000 women, and you catch a glimpse of the cynical, spiteful, bitter person you have become after years and years of giving away pieces of the person you were.

And you shudder. And you take a good look at that person.

I don't like her.

It has nothing to do with extra pounds, or blemishes, or irritating, growing-out, now-decidedly-brown hair (though those things I've blamed). It's not the red, stuffy nose or the unmanicured fingernails. It's the negativity. The sarcasm. The selfishness. The competitive, comparing, self-centeredness. It's the way I answer my kids when they frustrate me and the shortness with my husband when I make assumptions about his motives or judgements about his actions. My quickness to point out someone's flaws. I used to irritate people with my optimism! I can't even imagine how people see me now.

My life has shaped me into the person that I have become. I have faced "tests and challenges from all sides." My "faith-life" has shown its true colors. They certainly wouldn't paint a masterpiece. They wouldn't be worthy of the scribblings of a toddler. I sit at my keyboard struggling with where to go from here.

"So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way. If you don't know what you're doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. You'll get his help, and won't be condescended to when you ask for it. "

Mature and well-developed. Not deficient in any way. I surely don't know what I'm doing. And I've surely kept my options open. I like that control. If I keep my options open (you know, "Lord, help!! But while I'm waiting for you, I'm going to try this, because I'm not confident you're going to actually do anything."), something will happen whether God decides to step in or not. I don't even know what asking boldly, believing looks like. But now I know what I'm asking for.

Contagious joy.