Out there

In the past two weeks, I have visited more blogs than I care to admit. I have furiously read about topics which have no real interest to me. I walked away (or turned to my email) thinking, “So what is it that makes these peoples' sites interesting to the average person? Do I have anything meaningful to contribute to a blog spot?” Some bloggers had a built-in audience, including lots of relatives, from the looks of things. The others have written books, produced effective ministries, taught college courses, and done things of significance, all of which have attracted people to read their work. My blog would be read by my parents, maybe my husband, and a few friends if given the opportunity (meaning I would need to tell them it existed) and would consist of not-so-insightful insights on parenting young children, homeschooling, the daily worries of a homemaker, being a 30-something woman trying to find her niche in her local church community, blah, blah, blah. In addition to general content, however, having a blog presents some concerns for me right off the bat…and some of those concerns present themselves only because of the feeling I have in the pit of my stomach when I think about being “out there” like that.

There is a somewhat fearful vulnerability in having a blog. Anyone who happens upon my website when looking up a random word or name can know my mind, or whatever portion of it I choose to include online (and therein lies another problem!! The portion of my mind that I “publish” is just a Portion of my mind. Perspective is lost.). There is also the opportunity for the reader to “dump on what you say” (Didn’t Noah say that on You’ve Got Mail?) Do you begin to treat peoples’ comments on your life and their slams on your thoughts as just extraneous remarks, and does their opinion become less hurtful? Would it help me to care less what people thought of me, or more? Can I separate my identity from what perfect strangers and trusted friends say about me? Beyond the obvious slamming issues, there are also issues of privacy and safety. I am open to strangers who could take advantage of my name and the names of my children. Do I plan to publish my phone number and a picture of my house? No. But there are sick people out there. Seth got frustrated with me when I included my full name and the city where I lived in the profile of my Yahoo account. And I understand why he felt the way he did. The world is not full of naïve, trusting people like me. There are a few sick people who could not be trusted with this information.

I worry, also, about whether this is something in which I have any business dabbling. Since attending this workshop, literally half of the people I have told about it have enthusiastically agreed that writing is something they had always dreamed of doing. I’ve very briefly looked at the number of blog sites on the web…it’s overwhelming. People can now avoid the publisher altogether and self-publish their writing, whether by making a personal blog or actually selling a book, even if only 3 books need to be printed at a time…how much of what is being written and sold is worthy of publishing? (Of course, the same could be asked of a lot of what is actually published by publishing houses, but now it doesn’t even have to be scrutinized by someone who is paid to check for spelling and grammatical errors before it goes into print!!) Is my love for the written word, my love for Christ, and my passion for the availability of well-written children’s literature enough to propel me to write well enough to have other people read it? People other than my children and my friends’ children? Is this something God wants me to pursue (does he care, as long as I live life in such a way that he would be pleased??)??

Am I doomed to become like one of those writers I met who is so full of my own stories and myself that I just expect whomever I stand in line with to listen to my life? Will I drive every publisher I query nuts with my assumption that I am a gifted writer and they would do well to publish me? Can I be committed and disciplined enough to become a gifted writer?? (Will I ever publish a post that doesn't ask 400 questions?) Well, here you are reading what I’m saying…poised to type a response…be kind. At least for your first few responses to my first few rambling, stumbling entries. After that, I suppose I’ve asked for it.